it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
