don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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