I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
