Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
