Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
