I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
