It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
