alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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