Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
