8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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