home. puking in laundry basket.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
