kristin has been a bad kristin
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
