you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
