My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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