1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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