Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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