My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
