Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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