In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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