At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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