I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
