I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize