There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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