I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
