We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
