I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
