Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
