mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
