But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
