but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
