sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
