Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
