Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
