Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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