I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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