yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
