...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have fence marks all over my body
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
