I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
