The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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