That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
