Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
