Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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