I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
