I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
