Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
