Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad