just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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