I think my vagina is haunted
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
