Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
