erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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