i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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