I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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