so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
