thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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