I want to make a zoo with you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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