Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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