Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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