Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
