yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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