dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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