I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
